July 17, 2009

Island Style

            Island Style takes you on a culinary vacation, away from the everyday food to a taste of paradise with its tropical menu and relaxed atmosphere.  Enjoy a trip to the islands with cruise themed décor and live exotic music.

Appetizer:       Lightly breaded and fried Black Bean cakes served with a spicy papaya salsa and sweet potato crisps.

 

Salad:              Grilled Chicken Kabobs with sweet pineapple and crisp bell peppers over a fresh salad dressed with mango and a zesty citrus vinaigrette.

 

Entrée:             Large Shrimp in creamy coconut basil sauce over fresh pasta and served with steamed veggies and honey rye bread.

 

Dessert:           A piece of our Pineapple Upside drizzled with rum, brown sugar and butter sauce and a scoop of homemade ice macadamia ice cream.

 

Hmm... So along came this guy who shook up my world and now has me around his little finger.  But he doesn't know that. 

I was with another guy when, lets call him Scott, came along.  He basically swept me off my dragging feet and showed me how a guy really treats the girl he likes.  I knew my current boyfriend was a douche and that I could do better, but I just could never bring myself to break up with him.  With the help of Scott I was able to finally break it off with him and life went back to being my own.  I was more than grateful to Scott and even thought I might be crushing on him.

A day or two after the big break up he suddenly dropped out of my radar.  Our mutual best friend told me he had met someone else and that I might wanna take a step back.  Needless to say I did, and I was a bit hurt.  As I thought more about it I figured I didn't need him and that he had no obligations to me at all.  Two weeks later, I'm good with life and not hung up on any guy, and guess who comes along.  Scott.  Again our mutual best friend gives me another heads up that he's feeling bad about ignoring me and that he's gonna get in touch. 

Here's what he's been doing for two weeks:  He met a girl on myspace and they ended up hanging out and eventually hooking up.  From what I've heard, they're either dating or a couple.  But whatever.  She ended up being a single mom with dependence issues.  He couldn't be away from her without her spiraling into a depression.  Scary huh?

Anyway, he came back to me.  I treated him like I would treat any of my other guys.  He was shocked.  He wasn't used to the attention or the amount of what he called spoiling.  After a while he was always at my place, texting me throughout the day, and getting jealous of any other guy.  It was kinda sweet and all.  Again I found myself crushing on him.  I got used to him being around, I actually enjoyed him coming over all the time.   Normally with a guy I need my space, but not so with him.

Now, along came a hookup offer with an amazingly hot guy.  And I don't think I can go through with it.  I don't want to hurt Scott's feelings.  I talk to the best friend again and he's wanting to fuck this other chick and the depressed one is still there.  So what to do what to do.   I DON"T KNOW!  Best friend is also saying Scott doesn't know what he wants to do with me.  He likes spending time with me and chilling at my place, I'm the only chick that has ever cooked for him and that he's cooked for, I don't bore him, and I can keep up a good conversation. 

Maybe I should just drop him and find me someone else that isn't so flaky, but I have never found a guy that I like being around so much, who doesn't annoy me after a while, and who can hold up his own.  Ugh.... This sucks balls.

Okay, so here's the deal: I've been seeing this guy for three months.  Off and on a couple times, but whatever.  I asked a friend what he thought about this.  He said this is how "serious relationships" happen.  You break up and get back together with a hope that it'll work out.

Hmm... My longest relationship was 2 months long.  This one is going on 4 months.  So who knows.  All I can say is that it's kinda scary.  I've never given a guy a second or third or fourth or maybe fifth chance, EVER.  I've never put up with as much drama either.  I don't know what's wrong with me.

Yes, I am once again in denial about a guy.  Sheesh, does it ever really change?  Before I get to that, lets do some background history.

Since I've been in Austin, I've been pretty damn reckless.  I've done things I really shouldn't have done, but for some reason can't seem to muster up any repulsion or disgust with myself.  Lack of morals is what I'm assuming is wrong with me.

I'm debating whether or not I should go into it and disgrace myself in front of the Xanga Community.  I think I shall.

My first week here I hooked up with Adam, a guy I had known for a couple days.  He was a cute, nerdy, sarcastic guy moving back to Miami a few days later.  Then the next week Wayde came back into my life.  He started using the "girlfriend" word and that ended.  Too scary for my free life.  If he had kept it light and string free we would still be involved in our escapades.  A few days later there was Mike, a guy I had been waiting for for a few months.  It was quick, but nothing too special.  He slackened the craving for a few hours, but then it came back with a vengeance.  I will say though that he had this tight little body that made my mouth water and my fingers crazy to touch him.  At the end of that week there was Clay.  A random red head 9 years older than me with a taste for domination.  Very yummy, fun guy.  A couple days later there was my ex Will.  Yes infamous Will who had earlier in the year broken my heart.  I just couldn't say no to him, though there was none of that crazy in love emotion.  Just a familiar giddiness that wore off by the next morning.  Now here's the one that's got me all torn up.  His name is Josh.

Over the last few days I've had to walk either home or to work.  Walking home from the first job is right around 2.5 miles and the second is about .5 miles.  During this time all I do is let my mind go and travel down any path it so chooses.  Not to mention, I rarely have time to just think.  My life is mainly working or sleeping. 

Anyways, my thoughts normally sing to the tune of Rusty, my boyfriend of two months, if you can call it that.  Though we've been "together" for two months, I have yet to spend any time with him.  Sad isn't it.  I don't even know if you can call that a relationship.  But he's convinced that it is, and even more, he thinks it'll work when I go back to school.  I don't have as much time for him since I started my second job, much less juggle school and a full time job for a straight year.  This very subject has been cause for one of our big arguments.  He says I took my second job in order to pull away from him, which is not the case.  He doesn't understand that I'm a broke college student trying to save some "cushion" funds from the first month or two.

Another point for thought: the arguments we get into.  He just doesn't understand the subtleties of a matter at hand.  That it may not be the content that I'm upset about but the telling or withholding of it.  That very lack of insight has me thinking that a relationship between us is doomed.  Ugh... and the fact that he can't let stuff go, that he has to keep picking at it.  And why does he keep picking at it?  He has this need to always be right.  If nothing else drives me to insanity, it's that habit. 

I've never checked myself with any other person as much as I do with him.  I watch what I say, think about his feelings, curb my sarcasm, refrain from snapping, and let things go easier than I've ever done.  I never used to do any of these things with anyone.  I'm very outspoken, independent, and hardheaded.  Sometimes I think me and Rusty are too much alike to work out.  But he finds our similarities a plus, that we're more compatible because of them.

And then there's the positive side to us being "together."  He's quit smoking, something no one someone could make him do.  He's cut back on drinking.  No more drinking to get shit faced any time of the week.  Now it's a couple beers on the weekend and maybe a shot or two.  Everyone says that this is the happiest they've seen him in a long time.  He can make me laugh and infuriate me at the same time.  He adores all my quirks and bad habits.  I'm getting used to all way hearing from him and always telling him about my day...

And now my dilemma.  I'm about to start school in August.  I'll be even more busy than I am now and will have even less time and attention to give to him.  I noticed that if I have a boyfriend during school, I need him there.  I need the physical and emotional support even more.  I just can't do a long distance thing during the year.  I'm going to get lonely, and I may fall back into my old ways.  Without him constantly there, I just don't know if I can do a relationship.  Temptation, loneliness, longing, bad habits... all of that leads to the breaking of someones heart.  I don't know if I can be strong, focus on school, and be a girlfriend all at once. 

I told him this...  What surprised me and shook me to the core was his answer.  He's willing to wait.  If I need to break up with him while I'm in school, he said to do it.  He said he didn't mind if I dated someone closer to me too.  That as long as we stay friends and I don't disrespect him, he's fine with waiting.  And if there's still a chance he wants to try again after I get out of school.  The maturity and perseverance amazed me.  When I asked why, all he said was that I was worth waiting for.  Wow...

I thought about breaking up with him.  How I know I need to mature a bit more.  I'm not ready to settle like he is.  I'm still young and there's so much out there that I want to do and see.  He's ready to establish a family within the next 5 years.  I'm not.  There's a restlessness inside me that I've yet to quiet.  Something he can see and understand.  He's willing to give me the time too.

I never thought I would be thinking about these things already.  I miss the days of freedom and unattachment.  But I've also become fond of there being another person that cares.  *sigh*  I'm torn between my solo days and a relationship.